i didn’t mean for three months to go by without a single post, but look where we are. we’re nearing the end of february and i haven’t posted since the beginning of november.
november and december were two hard months for me, if i’m being honest. i was working on a eight week college course. it shouldn’t have been that hard, but i procrastinated every single thing in that course. it didn’t matter whether the assignments were big or small, i would wait until the last moment to do them and turn them in.
it was my own actions that brought on so much stress in my life. i hated myself then. i hated what i was doing, but i didn’t change. no matter how much i told myself to stop procrastinating, i kept procrastinating. and that made me feel depressed. it didn’t help that this was the first time that i wasn’t spending thanksgiving or christmas with my family.
it was hard. on christmas day, i went to bed crying. i wasn’t sleeping enough. i wasn’t drinking enough. and i just in general wasn’t taking good care of myself. i couldn’t seem to get out of this loop of stress and depression.
then, the day after christmas, my friend celebrated christmas with me. we went to dinner and she showed me all these videos that her and my mom had worked to get from family and friends wishing me merry christmas and telling me that they were thinking of me. i cried.
it made me realize that God has a plan in the mess. things began to look up after that. there’s still stress at times. there’s many choices and big decisions that i have to make soon. but i’m trying to put God first in all of it. that’s something that i haven’t been doing much at all. sometimes the easiest/simplest things to do are the hardest things to do, you know?
i have a lot of things that i need to work on in my life. one of those things is prayer. prayer is something that i’ve really neglected lately. but i want to do better. it’s a new year. a new day. i want to change. i want to grow. i want to improve. and i want God to be at the center of everything i do.
hoping to lighten your burden,