Mere Fragments #2 // New Beginnings

Hello. I am alive. I have not died. Despite my lack of writing, I am here now. I took an unintentionally long time away. There’s a comforting feeling coming back here, to this blog that has been around for awhile. At the same time, it has been so long that I feel like I don’t even know how to write a blog post. What is blogging? Where do I even begin?

It has been about eleven months since I left Taiwan. In that eleven months, a lot has happened. I currently live in North Carolina. I found a job as a barista at a local coffee shop. I really love it and the community that I’ve found there. My coworkers are the best. Wouldn’t survive those crazy work days without them. The locals who come in regularly are pretty cool as well. Between my coworkers and the regulars that come in, I have made some great friends.

I’m also getting close to being finished with my bachelor’s degree! In December I transferred my credits to Thomas Edison State University. I have one last course to take and then I’ll be graduating with a BA in History! It is crazy that I’ll be done with school in a few months. In many ways, my life has revolved around schoolwork for so long that it is hard to imagine what life will be like without it.

With school finishing up, my thoughts have turned towards the future. I’m in a weird stage of life. I have some friends who are college students, some that have graduated. I know people who are single, those who are married, and those who are having kids. As for me, I have no idea what the future holds. I have thought a lot about just getting through college, but not really past that. For sure, I definitely have ideas, but nothing is thought out.

In all of this, there’s plenty to be excited about and so much to be thankful for. In June, I got to be a part of one of my best friend’s wedding as her maid of honor. To be a part of my friend’s special day was absolutely thrilling. I couldn’t be more excited or happy for her. I love her so much. The wedding came together beautifully, despite the hiccups and craziness beforehand.

Weddings make me think of new life, fresh starts. It’s a time of new beginnings. It is a step into a new stage of life. Maybe, just maybe, this will be a new beginning for me. Every day, every moment is an opportunity to change. To do something different. To try something new. To start again.

The same applies to God. God has, is, and will always be here for us. He doesn’t abandon us even if we abandon him. That’s one of the most amazing things about him. God doesn’t leave us. He is there for us every single day. All we have to do is turn towards him. We don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to be anyone. God is here, wanting to hear from us. He’s ready to listen. Nothing is too big for him to handle. Maybe believing all this is hard. But here’s the thing, that’s when God steps in again. He helps us with our faith and trust in him. We can have new beginnings with God and he will help us every step of the way.

So here I am, hoping and trying to believe this for myself.

Hoping to lighten your burden,

Gabi

It’s Been Awhile

i didn’t mean for three months to go by without a single post, but look where we are. we’re nearing the end of february and i haven’t posted since the beginning of november.

november and december were two hard months for me, if i’m being honest. i was working on a eight week college course. it shouldn’t have been that hard, but i procrastinated every single thing in that course. it didn’t matter whether the assignments were big or small, i would wait until the last moment to do them and turn them in.

it was my own actions that brought on so much stress in my life. i hated myself then. i hated what i was doing, but i didn’t change. no matter how much i told myself to stop procrastinating, i kept procrastinating. and that made me feel depressed. it didn’t help that this was the first time that i wasn’t spending thanksgiving or christmas with my family.

it was hard. on christmas day, i went to bed crying. i wasn’t sleeping enough. i wasn’t drinking enough. and i just in general wasn’t taking good care of myself. i couldn’t seem to get out of this loop of stress and depression.

then, the day after christmas, my friend celebrated christmas with me. we went to dinner and she showed me all these videos that her and my mom had worked to get from family and friends wishing me merry christmas and telling me that they were thinking of me. i cried.

it made me realize that God has a plan in the mess. things began to look up after that. there’s still stress at times. there’s many choices and big decisions that i have to make soon. but i’m trying to put God first in all of it. that’s something that i haven’t been doing much at all. sometimes the easiest/simplest things to do are the hardest things to do, you know?

i have a lot of things that i need to work on in my life. one of those things is prayer. prayer is something that i’ve really neglected lately. but i want to do better. it’s a new year. a new day. i want to change. i want to grow. i want to improve. and i want God to be at the center of everything i do.

hoping to lighten your burden,

gabi